Last Weekend Before Mission

On Friday night, my friend D drove me to my parents' home to move my stuff back home. That was a really quick process. My parents weren't home at the moment and I was really nervous to be home for the weekend because my parents and I don't have the best relationship. I asked D to give me a blessing and he did. It was a really good blessing. Like most blessings, I don't remember every single word, but I do know that he basically blessed me with the strength to get through the few days leading up to my mission. Then D and I hugged goodbye like 10 times before he sped off back to Provo.

A few minutes later, my home ward bishop and his wife picked me up. We and another ward member (who just so happens to have been my 8th grade teacher) went to dinner with their daughter and son-in-law. We went for sushi and that was a great time. I really enjoy being around that whole family!

Later, we went up to the church parkinglot and lit up a Chinese lantern--a big one! I had never seen one before and so it was a pretty cool thing to see before going on the mission. After we lit it, we started to hear sirens that sounded like they were coming in our direction and so we left. Today in Relief Society the bishop's wife told me that it would have been funny had the cops showed up and the bishop would have been like "Yeah, I'm the bishop and she's going on her mission on Wednesday". Ha, the rebel in me says that it would be cool to get in trouble before going--but that's just the rebel in me. Though, I'm sure we wouldn't have been in any real trouble because Chinese lanterns are legal although the government is attempting to make them illegal. Anyways, don't I just have the coolest bishop ever?

(The Chinese Lantern)

Speaking of the bishop, on Saturday afternoon I spent my time skateboarding around the neighborhood and I ran into one of the inactive youth in the ward (a brother and a sister). We talked and they were like "Did you hear who the new bishop is?!" I replied in the affirmative and one of them said "Yeah, I was shocked. I couldn't believe it." I asked "why?" and he said "He's too cool!"

Anyways, I spent some more time with those youth. The boy is a punk rocker in a successful local band and he is pretty tight with my dad. He said "I bet you [your dad] is going to cry when they drop you off...he's going to bawl". Ha, I found that funny because I had never really seen my dad get too emotional before and couldn't imagine him crying over me leaving. After all, I have been gone for the last two and a half years as it is. 

I then went over to another youth in the ward's place and talked with him about a multitude of subjects--especially the mission. He asked for advice on preparing for his mission and I passed down the advice that's been past down to me even though it isn't my own to give due to my lack of experience. 

As I was skating home, my cousin's wife called me into her house and so I spent some time with her and the kiddos. We talked and that was all good. I really love their kids and I babysat them for about 6 years before I went off on the mission and so we have a good relationship. I've noticed that every time I come home or am around that they seem more and more excited to see me. Boy, I am going to miss them a lot!

After doing my rounds around the neighborhood, I went to the movies with my family. We saw Jack Reacher. It was a very good movie and I really enjoyed spending the time with my family. The place that we go to the movies doesn't do the best popcorn but I have the touch of force and tell them when and where to put the butter and so I got designated to get the refill. I enjoyed that. Anyways, the movie was good but even my mom would say that it was very violent. She laughed when I said that halfway through the movie I was like "What type of parent takes their kid to a violent movie before their mission?" Nevertheless, I thought the movie was just great and I really enjoyed it as being my last movie in the theater.

(Jack Reacher Trailer)

That night, I talked to my best friend D on the phone before going to bed and that was nice for me. Even though things were going well at home, I was still feeling anxious and I really wanted to go back home--my home: Provo. Even though my apartment was sold and I technically didn't have a "home" anymore, I was accustomed to Provo being my home. For me, it was my friends that made that place my home. 

Sunday came around. Fast and testimony went well. For Sunday School, I joined the 8-year-olds in their Sunday School because my cousin had literally dragged me into it and as I had no where else to be I didn't fight him. Let me tell you, those eight-year-olds know their stuff! They are so smart and intelligent. I say that the brethren ought to consider sending them on their missions now! :)

After church, I had a meeting with the Stake President. He is new and had never met me before. He basically wanted to give me a chance to confess any moral issue that I had before I get set apart this Tuesday. Well, I felt pretty good about my standing in life and so we just had a nice chit chat. 

Then came dinner with the family and my mom passed out candy to my younger sisters, cousin, and I for answering her questions about sacrament meeting correctly. Then we read a conference talk by Ballard. 

Then I worked on packing for my mission. I realized that this is going to be an ordeal. I mean, I can bring a total of 100 pounds. My suitcases way about 20 altogether. And I was advised to keep 20 pounds spare for the text books I'll get on the mission. So that's 60 pounds of my belongings that I can bring. I bring 60 pounds for an overnighter with my family--but for 18-months??? This is really bringing out the materialistic side of me. I think that I'm going to learn to live without to the point that I'll come back wondering why I ever thought I needed so much stuff. 

Later, my family and I watched "Despicable Me" and ate cookies and drank soda to end the night. That was some good time and I enjoyed the movie. My family was on the couch and I was on the floor in the game chair. My dog Sadie cuddled with my legs and played with my feet for the first half of the movie. Then my cat Cotton leaped out of nowhere to lay on my chest. She really likes attention. My cat Spike even came around asking for attention but he's not the type to cuddle and only wanted a quick pet. He's such a tough guy! After Cotton left me, my chihuahua Lola replaced her. Yep, it was a good movie and some good time with my pets who I will miss very much.

Later, I talked to D on the phone. He was lying on his own bed cuddling with his cat Simba. Simba is a 17-year-old cat. D mentioned that Simba had already survived 2 missions (his and his brothers) and that he had to make it through one more (mine). We discussed the mission some more, packing, and our plans to go to the temple on Tuesday. 

All in all, it has been a very good weekend. I'm getting tired and should probably go to bed. Normally, I go to bed at around 3am or later (used to be 5am or 6am) but I think that it's good that I'm starting to crave sleep earlier (Its 12am right now). Plus, I need to get up in the morning and do some errands and stuff.

Signing off!

A Surprise Farewell

Wednesday was a great day from start to finish.

It began with a 7am trip to the temple. Although, I didn't much like my experience on Saturday, I think that I was just overly anxious of the unknown. Now, I'm more comfortable with it and everything felt okay this last round. Going this time was pretty special to me because I had gone with just my best friend D and our good friend Nadine. We ran into a couple sisters from the MTC who would be off to the Bahia Blanca, Argentina mission.

After the session, D and I went back to his place where he made us a brunch of hamburger patties and mashed microwaved-potatoes. He studied while I wrote in my journal and then we went to his class on campus. The class was long and hard for me to follow but I stayed awake even though he didn't entirely. Once we were liberated from the classroom, we ran a couple errands--picked up his dancing shoes from his time in the Navy in Italy at the shoe repair and got the car washed. Back at his place, we took naps and rested for about two plus hours.

I was on the living room on my computer when D came out from his room being all like "We have to go". Earlier, he had asked me to go to a stake meeting in Lindon with him but that wasn't for a couple more hours and so I asked where. He just said Springville and it wasn't until we were half-way there that he told me we were going to Bishop's house. Once we got there, he told me the bishop was gone but he still wanted to go in. I was thinking "Okay, why are we here then?". We got in and met up with the bishop's two young daughters--then D ditched me by telling me that he had to go and that I was riding with the bishop.

I was concerned about that. Like in the temple, I don't like the unknown. What was I thinking that was going on? Since I am practically refusing to move home too soon before the mission, I am just bumming around in my college town (even though my apartment contract sold)--so I've been with my friend D like 24/7 and so I just guessed that he had a quick date or something and wasn't being quite honest. Ha, he's not the most honest guy when it comes to disclosing about his relationships. That's totally okay--that stuff really isn't my business. So that's what I was thinking was going down.

Anyways, the bishops' kids and I played Foosball and talked. I also enjoyed watching one of their sons and one of the daughters play a dance game on the Wii. They were quite energetic! And their dog, who usually doesn't pay me much attention, was really loving on me. The bishop and his wife got home and we talked about his son's college plans and Spanish conjugations. It was some good conversation.

Then the bishop grabbed his scriptures for the meeting and he, his wife, and I left for Lindon. He said that we were going to pick up his 2nd counselor and his wife and then take them to the stake center. I didn't think much of that until we pulled up to the counselor's house and there were a hundred cars parked outside--all up and down the street. I just assumed that someone was having a party--or a mission call opening (as it was Wednesday). Then I saw D come out of the house and invite us inside. I totally assumed the location had switched. Then--surprise!

It was all really nice! A good portion of the ward was there as was the stake presidency, some old ward members, and other friends.

It was a pretty cool event and I appreciated it very much. One of the old ward members who got married and "kicked out" of the ward was there. Last semester he was one of my Home Teachers and he is very special to me because he and I share some background. He has sure helped me through a bit. He gave me a letter that he wrote for me and the CTR pocket knife that he carried with him on his mission in Argentina. That really meant a lot to me! Everything meant a lot to me!

(The Stake Presidency and the Bishop)

(My last Home Teacher and I)

(My good friend who gave me the pocket knife and his wife)

Farewell Weekend

Things have been absolutely crazy! The mission is only a week away. Am I ready? I really don't know. This past weekend had to be the biggest of my adult life thus far. Friday night, I left my wonderful college town for my home town. Before going home, my mom and I stopped by the church activity that was going on. The Young Women were had put on a potato bar and fundraising auction for the ward. It was a really great event! I enjoyed talking to all of the ward members who I had really not seen much of over the last two and a half years aside from the occasional times I would come home.

On Saturday, I went through the temple for the first time with relatives, friends, and fellow ward members. I can say that it was special solely because it was a first and because it's sort of a rite of passage in Mormon culture. Otherwise, and I won't lie, it didn't make my "favorite things I've done" list. In fact, it didn't even make the list of "positive events of my life". Perhaps I don't understand it--that'll come in time, I know. I've been told to go again. I know that I'll go while I'm in the MTC, but honestly I'd be perfectly fine if I never went again. I'm so young and naive--I really wish I could say more positive things about the experience.

Sunday was my farewell. Many of my friends and relatives attended and that meant a lot to me. My younger sister spoke on prayer and then I spoke on missionary work. A musical number was given and then the bishop's wife spoke and the bishop said a few words as well. Then the meeting ended and I got bombarded by all of my visitors and half the regular congregation before being dragged out by the bishop's secretary to speak with the bishop. We spoke about some random stuff. He is the new bishop and I've grown up with him being one of the boys' youth leaders so I've always looked up to him.

After church (my family stayed for the whole block) we went home and had a ton of people over--relatives, family friends, and ward members. We just did a "make-your-own-sandwich" thing. I believe it went very well. I know some people do the "relatives first" thing but honestly my family's never had a missionary go out and so we had nothing to go by so we did a "people come when they come" type of thing. It was very nice and my family and I really appreciated all those who came out to support me throughout the weekend. It was, indeed, a big weekend for me.

Although I really enjoyed the weekend, I am so glad to have it over with. It did cause me a lot of anxiety because, frankly, I've been trying to ignore the fact that next week I will be on my mission. I'm not in denial and I really do want to go, but I'm scared. I'm not too worried about leaving my family behind. It's the fact that when I come back that I'll have nothing here for me and I'll have to start from scratch all over again. All my friends will be graduated, moved back to their other states or countries, and just moved on.

I look forward to the challenges of being a missionary. I look forward to the new experiences and I look forward to all that is out there, but I am a home-body. I like the place that I call home to stay the same and ready for me to come back to. Things will most certainly be different when I get back and I don't like that.

A Conversion Story

I have just finished listening to one of the greatest conversion stories that I have ever had the opportunity to listen to. For me, it was not about the awesome event of the baptism of a Catholic seminary student who converted to Mormonism. No, it was the ending that was amazing; that brought tears to my eyes; and that gave me hope for my mission. The following is simply audio of Bill Carpenter, the convert, and it is long; however, if you listen I can promise you that it will be the best decision that you have done today. Nothing is better than hearing truth and nothing is better than feeling the spirit through another man's testimony.

My own conversion story is different. I grew up in California. I was innocent and didn't fully understand my circumstance. For me, it was all normal and I had 29 foster brothers and sisters to prove that my world was normal. The attention given to me was intense. Who else got visited by social workers every week who brought gifts or wanted to play with me with my latest toy? Who else got to go see a therapist who had toys in her room? Who else got to go on fun and lavish visits every other week with their parents who they did not live with? Who else got to have two families? Who else got to have their own attorney? Who else got to have court hearings held in their honor constantly for five years? Did I feel special? No, it was normal to me.

One of my first foster homes wasn't the best of foster homes and from that I got to see the negative aspect of the system--the neglect. My third placement in my second bout of foster care by the age of three was a Mormon family. They fought for my siblings and I from day one. I remember the day that I met them. I had very few possessions--a barbie car and a few articles of clothing stuffed in a small box. You could sense their excitement of having kids for the first time.

See, the mom couldn't have her own kids. They had tried and prayed over and over about how to go about obtaining the family that they felt that they should have. They got into foster care. They checked out one agency and then got accepted into another. They then felt that they should switch to another agency which was a rare allowance as agencies don't always take foster parents from other agencies. That weekend, they got called in for training and were soon after given me and my oldest sister. I believe that that placement was a miracle.

My eldest sister and I were quickly introduced to the church. One of my brothers and my other sister eventually joined us in the home but the brother ended up eventually returning to live with our biological mother for reasons that are still mysterious to me. Other foster kids joined us--many brothers and sisters. My eldest sister got baptized when she turned sixteen and our biological father got sent to prison; thus, no one had parental rights over her and she chose to get baptized. She was adopted two years later. That happened a year or two before my adoption at the age of eight and a half when my then 13 year old sister was also baptized with me soon after

Throughout my childhood in that one foster home I became pretty accustomed to the church. I learned to read from seeing my older siblings reading the scriptures and wanting to participate. I learned to memorize scriptures and to play children's hymns on the piano. I learned the discussions backwards and forwards from having the missionaries over on a constant basis. In the summers, I volunteered in the church's vineyard and that was my favorite thing to do. I enjoyed working and getting dirty. I participated in every ward service project that there was--fixing up the zoo, fixing up a hospice home, fixing up a camp up in the mountains, and more. Of course, as a child I was there to eat the treats, play with my friends, and to occasionally help or to be apart of a volunteer-related activity made for us children. From that influence in my church, I learned service.

(The missionaries and I--age 6)

So, yes, I was very involved in the church from a young age. However, I came from a very staunch Irish Catholic family. When I was six years old I went down to Southern California to visit my biological family there. I stayed with the grandmother. I remember very little about that experience, but I do remember this: she and I fought over how I should say my prayers. I was adamant about saying them the "Mormon way" and refused to say them in any other manner. Like a child that I was, I threw a tantrum that sent the grandmother running from the room. I was furious and not at all happy. I was homesick for my foster home as well. I knelt down and prayed. I prayed for comfort and I prayed to know that the church was true because for the first time in my young life I felt conflicted by the differences of religion in the dual-worlds that I lived in. After I prayed, I felt assurance. I felt that everything was going to be alright in my life and from that point on I knew that one day I would be a Mormon, a member of Christ's true church. Even more, I felt that I had a purpose; that everything had happened for a reason.

Now, here I am. I am have been a member for almost 13 years. In 27 days, I will enter the MTC to serve a mission in the Oklahoma, Oklahoma City mission, Spanish-speaking. I am excited. I will be leaving behind a lot, but I have faith that it will be worth it.

Un Sueño & Un Deseo

[Lo siguiente son extractos de mi diario]
Martes
01/29/13
23:00

Esta mañana me desperté temprano de un sueño emocional. La mitad del país se había separado de la unión. Yo estaba en alguna base militar. ¿Haciendo qué? No estoy muy seguro. Salí y miró a los nuevos reclutas. Algunos llevaban uniformes y algunos vestían ropas de civil. Vi D. Llevaba su chaqueta marrón. Estaba estresado. D se acercó a mí y yo empecé a llorar. Trató de consolar mí - incluso llegó a mi nivel y me llevó en su rodilla como un niño pequeño y me abrazó. Por alguna razón la gente de nuestro barrio estaban allí - Lindsay y Meesha. Ellos me decían que las cosas iban a estar bien. Yo les ahuyentó con ira. Yo estaba enojado con D [alistar una vez más]. Él me dijo: "Tengo que estar con mis hermanos". Lloré cuando se fue. Entonces una voz dijo: "No te está abandonando. Lo estás dejando" y me desperté. Inmediatamente hice la conexión con mi misión. Vez en cuando (sobre todo últimamente) me deprimo sobre el pensamiento de no verlo durante un año y medio. O más. Estará graduado y lo que a mi regreso ... Él es mi mejor amigo - mi hermano mayor. Sé que he dejado demasiado adjunta. Me arrepiento y no me arrepiento. Lamento permitiendo mis emociones para dar resultados. No me arrepiento de nuestra amistad.

Miércoles

01/30/13

15:38

He estado pensando que yo quiero ser. Después de la misión. Lo que espero ser yo mismo. Quiero que me la misión de cambiar. No quiero volver a la misma persona que soy ahora. Veo a estos misioneros retorno. Tenían grandes misiones. Pero ahora están muertos hacia sus experiencias. Han debilitado. No quiero volver así. De lo contrario mi misión habría sido un desperdicio. Claro, vamos a ir a convertir a los demás, pero también vamos a convertir a nosotros mismos.

¿Quién Quiero Ser?

Ser humilde...Más organizado...Más dispuestos a asumir la responsabilidad

Más dedicado a mis estudios...Fiel a mi verdadero yo 

Más implicados en la iglesia....

Menos odioso y de manera más abierta hacia los demás

Más capaces de mantenerse dentro de un presupuesto

Más disciplinado con mi tiempo...Considerado...Dar más importancia a ejercer

Una líder

SUD Noticias del Momento

1. Manti Teo, un conocido jugador de fútbol americano universitario que es mormona, ha sido víctima de un engaño dramático. El "pensamiento" que tenía una novia, ya que nunca había conocido antes. Además, la chica "murió" en el mismo día que su abuela murió también y ese día, con toda esa emoción edificados en él, todavía llevó a su equipo a la victoria. Por supuesto, muchos están burlándose de Teo (especialmente los medios de comunicación) y muchos también no creo que esto resulta ser un engaño. Ellos piensan que él quería atención y que él estaba tratando de aumentar su popularidad. Mi opinión personal es la siguiente: No creo que Teo podría haber fingido un engaño grande. Yo creo que él creía que tenía una novia. El Internet es un lugar muy peligroso en estos días y nadie, ni siquiera un mormón o un jugador de fútbol famoso, puede frustrar él es los males.
2. La iglesia mormona es la apertura de un nuevo Centro de Capacitación Misional de México. ¿Por qué? Bueno, mucha gente (especialmente las mujeres) en la iglesia han decidido levantarse e irse por las misiones. Mi amigo D trabaja en el CCM y me ha estado diciendo que un milagro que iba a suceder este verano debido a que el CCM de Provo está sobrevendido por como 4,000 con una buena parte de esos misioneros se dirigieron a América Latina. Por lo tanto, no estaba sorprendido cuando me enteré de la noticia de que se ha dado recientemente. Estoy emocionada! La obra del Señor continúa y nada va a impedir ese hecho. Para todos los futuros misioneros allí se dirigieron a América Latina provienen de verano - Para México!

En otro orden de cosas me gustaría agradecer personalmente a mis espectadores de este mes, que son de los Estados Unidos, Corea del Sur, Ucrania, Brasil, Alemania, Irlanda, Polonia y Rumania. En el pasado, he tomado nota de nuestros televidentes de México, Chile, Perú, Letonia, Reino Unido, Bélgica, Rusia, Argentina, y otros países. Una cosa sobre mí es la siguiente: Me encanta la diversidad! Me encantan sus países! Un día, yo quiero viajar por el mundo y ver muchos países. Tal vez voy a hacer eso cuando yo soy periodista.

LDS NEWS UPDATE

1. Manti Teo, a well-known Mormon college football player, has been caught up in a dramatic hoax where he "thought" he had a girlfriend as they had never met before. Also, the girl "died" on the same day that his grandmother died too and that day, with all that emotion built up in him, he still led his team to a win. Of course, many are teasing Teo (especially the media) and many also do not believe that this just happens to be a hoax. They think that he was out for attention and attempting to increase his popularity. My personal opinion is this: I do not believe that Teo could have faked such a big hoax. I believe that he believed he had a girlfriend. The internet is a very dangerous place these days and no one, not even a Mormon or famous football player, can thwart it's evils.
2. The LDS church is opening a new Missionary Training Center in Mexico. Why? Well, many people (especially women) in the church have decided to up and leave for missions. My friend D works at the MTC and has been telling me that a miracle was going to happen this summer because the Provo MTC is overbooked by like 4,000 with a good portion of those missionaries headed off to Latin America. Thus, I wasn't surprised when I heard the announcement that has been recently given. I am excited! The Lord's work is continuing and nothing will hinder that fact. For all you future missionaries out there headed off to Latin America come summer--To Mexico!

On a different note I would like to personally thank my viewers this month who are from the United States, South Korea, Ukraine, Brazil, Germany, Ireland, Poland, and Romania. In the past, I have noted our viewers from Mexico, Chile, Peru, Latvia, United Kingdom, Belgium, Russia, Argentina, and other countries. One thing about me is this: I love diversity! I love your countries! One day, I want to travel the world and see many countries. Perhaps I will do just that when I am a journalist.

A Dream & A Desire

[the following are excerpts from my journal]

Tuesday
01/29/13
11:00PM

This morning I woke up early from an emotional dream. Half the country had seceded from the union. I was at some military base. Doing what? Not too sure. I went outside and eyed the new recruits. Some wore uniforms and some wore "civis". I saw D. He was wearing his brown jacket. I was stressed. D came up to me and I started bawling. He tried comforting me--even came down to my level and pulled me on his knee like a little kid and held me. For some reason people from our ward were there--Lindsay and Meesha. They kept telling me things were going to be okay. I shooed them away in anger. I was pissed at D for [reenlisting]. He told me "I have to be with my brothers". I cried as he left. Then a voice said "He's not leaving you. You're leaving him" and I woke up. I immediately made the connection to my mission. Every now and then (especially lately) I get depressed about the thought of not seeing him for a year and a half. Or more. He'll be graduated and whatever by the time I get back...He is my best friend--my big brother. I know I've let myself get too attached. I regret it and I don't. I regret allowing my emotions to play out. I don't regret our friendship.

Wednesday
01/30/13
3:38PM

I've been thinking about who I want to be. After the mission. What I expect myself to be. I want to let the mission change me. I don't want to come back the same person I am now. I see these return missionaries. They had great missions. But now they're dead towards their experiences. They've weakened. I don't want to come back like that. Otherwise my mission would have been a waste. Sure, we are to go to convert others but we also go to convert ourselves.

Who I Want To Be

Humble...More organized...More willing to take on responsibility

More dedicated to my studies...True to my real self...More involved in church

Less hateful and way more open towards others...More able to stick to a budget

More disciplined with my time...Considerate...Hold more importance towards exercise

A leader

Provo Weekend Life

I wake up to a phone call. It's 5:30 in the morning and it's my best friend D calling, wanting me to go and support him at his dance practice in half an hour. I drag myself out of bed, trudge into my bathroom and get ready, and then stumble out the door to his waiting car. I nearly slip doing so--the ground is icy. Lately, we've had a bad bout of freezing rain. The following is an example of what it was like at BYU the other day:

We get to BYU campus and participate in the dance practice for the school Luau. He's in the Hawaiian section and I will only be practicing with him up until I go on my mission. There are a lot of Hawaiians and Polynesians there. This is my second practice with them. Last week I really struggled with learning the dance. This week was easier, even when more was added to the dance. 

Culture. Culture. Culture. As "white" as this town is, it's all about culture. There are so many opportunities here to learn about other cultures. They're legit opportunities too! For example, living Legends, a BYU dance group, does Native American, Polynesian, and Hispanic dancing and everyone in the group is part of the representative cultures. The dancers are required to have "Lamanite" blood in them. My best friend D used to dance with them. He used to do some Polynesian dancing and played the part of the chief--like the following video (except that this video happened years before he was in the group.

After dancing, D and I were hungry. We stopped by a Mexican restaurant in South Provo. Then we went home. He took a nap at his apartment and I fooled around on the computer at my apartment. I worked on downloading and uploading the pictures that we had "professionally" done the day before. People in the ward have since been calling them our engagement photos--no such thing! Just two best friends/practically siblings that wanted to get pictures done before departing for our separate ways in a month. Of course, I understand the joke--this is Provo--the marriage hot spot of the LDS community.

After I finished doing the technical stuff, I tagged along with D for the ward blitz--going off with the ward leadership people door-to-door meeting the new people, advertising ward events, and praying. D made sure to bring up my mission everywhere we went. Afterwards, D went and did his home teaching visits while I rested. We then went to Salt Lake City to recover his lost wallet that someone had found and had wanted to give back to him. There, we stopped by a Mongolian restaurant and had lunch. We also shot some video about icicles. Once we got home, I worked on the video editing of the videos. Then we went to the ward talent show and had Cafe Rio (Mexican food) at the event. Afterwords, I finished the last of the video editing--as seen here:

I woke up Sunday morning to D calling me to wake up. He knows I have a hard time waking up--especially on Sundays. I slept in an hour past his call and finally woke up at 10:30am. An hour later, our home teacher arrived to teach my roommate and I about humility. Then the home teacher and I did our weekly study in Preach My Gospel. He taught me how to teach the Atonement. Every week, he and I study Preach My Gospel as an effort towards my mission preparation. He is the ward missionary leader and a guy in the ward that I am cool with. He took me and another church member to church. It was fast Sunday. People raced for the pulpit and there were some very good testimonials given. Sunday school was good--very humorous but also spiritually uplifting. Relief Society was good too. Normally, I'm not that big of a fan on the whole sisterhood thing. I feel way more comfortable around guys than girls. I've even sat in on Priesthood a couple times before. However, for the first time it was a really good lesson. I mean, it was more heartfelt. Not from the manual and more from the heart--by inspiration. The subject? Girl talk! Yeah, that's not typically my thing but it was about all the "Goliaths" that we face in life and I call it "girl talk" because it was an emotional and very interactive lesson. After church, we all went to "break the fast". Normally, a committee prepares everything but many people had volunteered to help bring different types of chili dishes. It was very fun trying out the different versions of this traditional American food.

After the dinner, I went home and chilled, waiting for D to finish his home teaching. He ended up bringing one of his home teachees, my neighbor, over to my apartment so he could home teach her because the ward game night was happening over at her place. After the teaching, D and I drove over to his brother's place where we picked up his mom and went driving. I am learning how to drive and driving in this weather is insane. The roads are horrible--snow, slush, and salt everywhere. We tried to develop my winter driving skills. That was a frustrating experience, because before I had been driving in pretty decent weather; however, positive outcome was that I learned to parallel park. After driving for a little while, D and I stopped by his place to eat some leftover chili before going to my place to play our favorite card game--and, yes, the ward game night was still continuing next door. D left right before curfew (midnight) and here I am now.

I will wake up in a few hours, go with D's mom to do more driving and to go and test for my driver's license. I hope I get it but with these road conditions I'm terrified. She and I will then do the grocery shopping for the duo-ward Family Home Evening event going on that night where there will be a live animal or reptile show. We will also prepare the food and such. 

Anyways, there's my tidbit about my life in Provo. It is a great place to live!

To The Battlefield!

We are a sinful people. Our minds are carnal. Only a prideful person could ever dispute that. We are who we are--except for one thing. We have the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ. We can humble ourselves and be repentant. We can change. Yes we can! We can change and perfect our inhibitions--our actions and our thoughts. We can overcome. Yes we can! We can lean towards goodness and place our feet upon the path not taken. We can step away from the dark and into the light. Yes we can! As children of a most High God, can we allow ourselves to do anything but that? Can we allow ourselves to wear an unrighteous aurora? No, we cannot! Can we allow our shield of righteousness to be left on the ground to rust and to be trampled upon? No, we cannot! Can we allow the leaches of the world--the tyrants and the devils--to cling to us, sucking the goodness out of us? No, we cannot!

In my life, I have sinned. I have troubled my God with too many pleadings and demands. In my days, I have been thankless; I have been thoughtless; and I have been slothful. I have been as Alma The Younger--taking advantage of the irresponsible nature of my youth and the arrogance and ignorance that comes with that. I have murmured against those of authority--those who sought only to share with me what they felt I should know or how I should act. I have been to the great and spacious buildings--I have had my cups and my stomach filled with that of which the world could offer. I have glanced at the Tree of Life. I have glanced--and seen the trip too hard to make; the fruit too simple to be so glorious; and the sacrifices oh too much to make.

But now...

I see myself as I am now--troubled by the sacrifices that I am to make; troubled by the desires of my heart; and troubled by the cunning ways of the evil one. I see all this and I know--I know that I must decide who I will serve and which commander I will follow on the battlefield. For we are at war--that much is clear. Either I am to be with Christ or I am to be with Satan. The way of Satan is enticing--despite the hidden bondage made by consequences. The way of Christ is what it is: hard work and sacrificial. I guess what I am asking of  us all (and myself especially) is this: Is it worth is? Is it worth my time? Is it worth any loss I might have? I fear change. I fear loss. Can I answer any of these questions? Nay, but I can say that I have faith. I have faith in the power of Christ. For it is Him that I will serve. It is for Him that I will go on my mission. Thus, I have faith in a reward far greater than that that the world could ever give me. I have faith in the renewal of any losses that I face by things of greater value and of higher importance. I have faith in all this. I have hope that it will all be worth it and that all will be well.

To the battlefield!

The Mission: What I Will Miss Most

When you go on a mission you leave behind so much--family, friends, hobbies, possessions, etc. I always thought that the hardest thing for me to leave would be my computer and Facebook account. I might as well be surgically connected to my computer and I might as well have my own satellite too since I always have to have internet access, am always texting on my phone, and am always on a multitude of websites. Three months ago, I just thought that would be my hardest trial but I expected to get over it once I was out in the mission field. Now, I still love the internet and all the things that make my life fun, but I could totally drop it all right now. Sure, I'd miss it but I'm not emotionally attached to it all. I've discovered what I truly am attached to, emotionally. Or, rather, who I am attached to.

See, for me, I have never cared much about relationships. They have always been things flaunted about--able to be lit as quickly as a match and blown out as quickly as a candle. I'm not talking about romantic relationships either. Any relationship--family or friend. My family has felt my distance and they have seen me attempt to renew our relationship recently. I grew up in foster care and with that came the distance and the reluctance to have any care in the world for anybody. There have been many people who have called me "friend" and who have demanded of me my time and my support--which I will give but very few people have I cared about so much as to return friendship. Over the last two years people have come into my life who I have let in and who I have allowed myself to create relationships with. Thus, recently I have realized what means more to me than my computer and other material possessions.

My family and I still have a relationship to renew. I always say that my family and I don't have a relationship. Well, we have one that is struggling, in my opinion. One that crumbles too quickly and that is very hard to maintain. I feel confident that I will be able to leave them on my mission easily enough. I don't expect it to be much harder than it was when I left for college. A bit of me wishes it would be harder--that our relationship was that much better. Sure, I'll get homesick. I do every now and then, but I don't expect it to be unbearable.

The relationship that I expect to be hardest to leave will be my friendship with my best friend D. He is like a big brother to me. At first, he was my home teacher. He was committed to making sure that I got active in the church and that I made it to church every Sunday. That was Summer 2011. In Fall 2011 we went to Heber Valley Camp for a church outing together and our friendship hit it off soon after that when we had our first real hang out at the Haunted Forest. Winter 2011/2012 I went to his brother's wedding reception with him in Idaho. And we continued to spend more time together after that. For months, we look forward to our biggest event as friends yet--Summer 2012. We went to California together. We shared so many personal experiences together and we really bonded. He got me into the habit of reading my scriptures and taught me a lot about missionary work. He even suggested that I think about going on a mission a whole heck of a lot sooner than I had intended. I told him sure but that I'd have to talk that over with my parents. Stall tactic. I hardly ever talk to my parents. He called up my dad himself to ask for his support of me going on my mission. That didn't pan out as well as he had planned for it to go but that meant a lot to me two months later when he finally told me he had done that.

Little by little, I was feeling the pressure to go on my mission--not solely from D but my own inner self. My family, although LDS, had zero to do with the decision--It was something I had to make on my own. No one asked me if I got my papers in or looked them over to make sure I was doing everything like I should be doing. I just texted updates like "Sent my papers in" and "you should be getting the call sometime over the next two weeks". I don't think it was until my parents got the envelope that they started to show their excitement and support for me with the mission. Especially when I made them wait a week to open it so that I (and my siblings) could be there all together to open it. And D. Ha, my parents weren't in favor of having anyone but family there at the opening. I fought that ideal cuz I wanted D--the best influence in my college student life--to be there. I backed away and just prayed for my dad to soften his heart. He would mention D--probably testing to see if I would jump out and say I wanted things to be done my way. Because I always do things my way. I think I surprised him by not reacting. He came to and decided that D could come. D and I were overjoyed!

So, yes, D was there at the opening of my mission call and he has been there for me in every trial that I have had over the last 2 years of our friendship. We even celebrated our last chance to have a vacation together before my mission by going to Zion National Park before Christmas. We spend so much time together--playing games, going to church events, doing activities, etc. Yesterday we spent the whole day together. Mostly in Salt Lake City working on a project and then at my parents' house--walking the dog and just chilling. Just us--we had seen my parents just briefly as we were coming as they were going. This week we don't have much planned other than to go get our pictures taken professionally so that we can give them to his family and my family as a "goodbye, I'm going on a mission" type thing. Totally his idea.

Today, D texted me about how we should go to California again when I get back from my mission. We've always discussed that but in my mind I see our friendship (as close as it is now) coming to a screeching halt. I mean, by the time I get back he will have graduated and begun his career--might even be married or whatever life will bring him. Me--I'll be going back to school. We'll be living separate lives.

The following is the text message conversation we just had today:
D: when u get back. From ur mission we r going out to cali again. Me and u
Me: yeah, that'd be tight :)" *totally thinking pessimistically "yeah, like that'll really happen" in my mindset*
D: Ok lets plan for that! No backing out
Me: Ha--what if ur married and whatnot?
D: We will go no matter what! I promise!!
Me: ya? okay
D: So get ready to party!!!
Me: ha--thats so far off away cut *he and I call each other "cut". It's what he and his siblings call each other*
D: No its gonna be here in a jiffy!
Me: u think? seems another world away to me
D: Ive known u for 2+ yrs. How fast has that time gone???
Me: almost 22 months--ya its gone by so quickly!
D: So get ready to party!!!
Me: :) okay

Anyone who knows me knows I hate a broken promise. Or an impossible idea.

Having D for a friend means the world to me and leaving him while I am on mission will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my young adult life--and I've done some hard things especially within the last year.

But it will be worth it. I have faith in that. It will be painful--that much is obvious. But I am willing to do it. For the faith.

Huntington Beach 2012

 

Sea Kayaking 2012

6 Flags 2012

Zion National Park 2012

Just Chilling With My Dog 2013

The Mormon Update

Utah has it all! It is the Mormon homeland, the place of great mountains, and the place of the "best snow on earth". Lately, it has snowed and snowed. On some days, the weather has reached -8 degrees F (-22.2 degrees C). Personally, I am very jealous of my friend in Chile who is experiencing a beautiful summertime at the beach.

Inside from the world, let's get back to the Mormon Mothership. Here is your update:

• The average time spent for missionaries at the Missionary Training Center is now officially reduced by thirty-percent.
• The number of missionary applicants has risen by 471 percent.
• A recent stomach flu went viral at the Missionary Training Center--an epidemic of sorts. Over a hundred missionaries were affected. However, it only lasted a few days.
• A Chelsie Irish has come up with a great idea to help foster children by helping them to have proper storage cases for their belongings instead of trash bags. 
• Personally, I would like to thank Chelsie for her efforts. I grew up in the foster system and one of my earliest memories is having to put mine and my sister's few belongings in a box. Another memory is of being in a foster home that eventually became my forever home. However, there would always be rumors that I would end up going elsewhere (that happened for five years) and so we would have to stuff everything I had in trash bags just out of preparation. I have to say that this idea of hers is incredible and I am sure that it will help many children

Can I just say that I love being Mormon? Living in Utah, being Mormon is everything. I don't mean that in a prideful way. I mean, that being Mormon is our culture. It is the root of our humor and the centerpiece of our lives. Yesterday, a group of friends from my ward and I went to watch the Notre Dame versus Alabama football game at a sports bar. It didn't matter that there could be alcohol there--what mattered was that we could all just have a good time, no temptation. So what do Mormons talk about at a bar? They tell mission stories, talk about the player on the screen they think should have gone to BYU because he too is a Mormon, theorize about the scientific matter-makeup of the soul, and discuss whether or not a certain scripture passage in the Book of Mormon refers to the Catholic church--all while, of course, cheering on the winning team (Alabama) and just being around friendly faces.

Notre Dame is a Catholic school that is pretty famous here in America. As I sat by my home teacher watching the game, we chatted about the school. "It's like BYU, but Catholic" he said. "Oh, so they have an honor code?" I inquired and to that he said "No! But they do have Jesus." To that, I joked "Do they have Moroni too?" Later, after chatting about how bad BYU has done in our last season and about how Notre Dame is usually a strong (just not against Alabama that night) and aggressive team, I said "The only difference between Notre Dame and BYU is that BYU is too polite too win."

Honestly, I don't care about football but it was fun to have a good time. Some days, I realize just how empty my life would be if I wasn't Mormon. I mean, what would I laugh about?

God Blesses Families

(Personal reflection based off of the reading from Preach My Gospel, page 32)

I come from a circumstance where the sacredness of the family unit was not preserved. Before I converted to the church, I knew something was wrong. Why else was I in Foster Care? Why else had there been divorce in my family's past? To me, life was just a bunch of clutter; it was confusing. But then something good happened. God intervened on my behalf--almost as if He had picked me up and dropped me into an entirely different circumstance. I all of the sudden had a family that was different than my other family. The parents that I had loved each other and they were even good to each other too. These parents, they took me to church and taught me about God. They were there for me 100%. They did things that no one else would do for me and my siblings--like taking us to school, taking us to the doctors and the dentists (one of my siblings had never even been to the dentist at the age of fourteen!), and helping us with our homework. To these people that God had plopped into my life, family was everything. They couldn't have their own children and so having a family period was everything and they would do anything to get it and to maintain it. No sacrifice could be considered too great.

So these parents chose me--a rebellious child with a lot of baggage. I was tough and no one could control me. The tantrums that I threw were horrendous. I spit and I kicked. I cursed like a sailor too. I was verbally abusive and emotionally demanding. By the age of three, I had reaped all the negatives that my society had taught me. Did I believe in God? Did I have a sense of morality? No and no. If you tried to guide me in any way I would go the opposite. You had to let me choose for myself because no matter what your influence was, I would be the alternative. 

Sure, by the age of six I knew the Gospel through and through. I could quote scripture upon scripture like a Bible college student. As I heard on TV the other day, "I [was] Kingdom!" But no. That was the good little Sunday School girl in me, but get me in my home and I was--let's be blunt--a heathen.

At six years old, I was sent on an extended visit with my biological family. I stayed with my biological grandmother who, in my opinion then, was very Catholic and seemed to be directing her every motive at turning me into a Catholic. I wasn't having it. No one could force religion or opinions on me. I had my own mind and I was okay with that, whether or not no one else was. I had grown tired of the grandmother's attempts at trying to get me to pray her way and one day I reached my boiling point. I not only wanted her to stop the indoctrination attempts but I wanted to know for myself which church was true. Like I had heard it being said in James 1:5:

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, 

and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him"

So I threw a giant tantrum that sent the grandmother running from the room. I barricaded the door and paced around the room. I was trembling with anger and my eyes were fixed with too much emotion. For the first time by myself, I went down on my knees and I prayed. I don't recall exactly what I prayed for or in what context. I was using "thees" and "thous" and "thys" left and right--nervous that I could appear irreverent by any cause. I do remember that, but I also remember the feelings that I felt. I felt assured. I was calm and felt like there was some sort of insurance on my life. Everything was going to be okay no matter what happened. That peace was the best feeling that I had ever felt in my short six years of life. I felt a lot of other things too. I felt that one day I would be a member of the church because it was then that I felt, with every fiber of my small being, that it was true--that it was and is Christ's original church restored to the earth. 

After the extended visit with my biological family, I went home to MY family. I wasn't any different in attitude. I was just as bad as I ever was because I was six and I didn't know how to properly deal with my situation. However, I was different in perspective. I knew, for the first time, truth eternal. I could grasp that concept and that concept held me together through the drama that was unfolded over the next several years.

Two years later I got baptized. Two years after that I found myself in a temple room. I found myself faced with a concept of eternity--two mirrors facing each other and you could see through those two mirrors how eternity is. It goes on and on and on. It has always been and will always be that way. That day we had a ceremony called a "sealing"--a form of "family insurance" where we can be together forever--always connected--as a family unit. For me, that is how God blessed my family. He brought us all together in quite a miraculous way and molded us into an eternal unit. That is the miracle of it all and that is the greatest blessing I could ever expect to receive. 

Note: My childhood perspective of Catholicism (due to my experience with the grandmother) may be naive. Certainly I do not view Catholics in a negative viewpoint. I respect them and I enjoy learning about their history.